Worthwhile
by FantasyEmpress
Summary: James Norrington doesn't think he can take this life much longer. But he knows he wants to die doing something worthwhile. AWE spoilers, but they're kinda vague. Norribeth.


DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

**Admiral James Norrington**. Once those words would have proved that dreams could come true. Now all they did was remind him of all the dreams that had died. Not so long ago, his world had been nearly perfect. The things he wanted were all either his, or well on their way to becoming his. Now, he was left with an empty title, bought on a bribe, and an empty rum bottle, bought on a threat. No friends, no wife, no dignity, and a crew that scorned him. They knew he was nothing more than a drunk who had happened to have something to trade for his position. They knew Lord Beckett would only keep him around as long as he obeyed every command like a simple-minded slave. They knew that it was the first mate of the new admiral's flagship who was really in charge. But it was Lord Beckett who was in charge of all of them, and this was the only thing that bound them to their miserable excuse for an admiral.

James knew that the crew talked of his past. They whispered of how once he had had a great deal of potential. Of how he could have earned admiral and been a good one, before he was brought to nothing by two pirates and a woman. A woman who they said the pirates shared among themselves like a common whore. She had been a good girl once, the daughter of someone important, a governor or something like that. Could it be that she was Governor Swann's daughter, who had missing for a year? She had been kidnapped by pirates once, it was said, then had been home for a year, but had disappeared, along with her fiancé, and not been seen since. What they didn't know was that she was still a good woman, pure and untainted. She was not a pirate's wench, just a fiercely independent woman in an era where independence in women was considered shameful. Oh certainly, she was unsure of who she loved and what she wanted, but James knew she would not give herself away casually. He knew she was confused by her childish adoration for Turner and her curiousity and lust and even admiration for Sparrow.

_Sparrow. _Once, that name had made James clinch his fists and grit his teeth in pure hatred. Now it evoked nothing. Nothing except a longing for the days when he had been his own man, in charge of his own ship, and not Beckett's man in charge of Beckett's ship. A longing for the days when Elizabeth was not averse to his courting, and Turner was only an unworthy blacksmith who knew he had no business even trying to win Elizabeth's hand. A longing for the days when Sparrow and others like him were a game to be played and won, not an impossible challenge who _would_ succeed, and who could even bring their pursuers down to the level of scrubbing their decks, being their underlings. A longing for the days when he was happy.

How he longed for the way things used to be, and the way things could have been. If his life had turned out right, he would be in a cozy little house in Port Royal right now, laying in a comfortable bed, with Elizabeth sleeping beside him. As it was, he was sitting in stuffy little room on a military ship, alone and miserable, and considering whether or not his gun might be the solution to all his problems.

But he knew it wasn't.

He did not want to die in the same way he had been living; alone, drunk, and a slave to a pompous little man in a wig. He wanted to do something worthwhile before he died. So he would continue to live this miserable excuse for a life until he had something worthwhile to do.

James stared at the beautiful young woman before him, begging him not only to save her, but to save himself. Elizabeth. So beautiful. He didn't know what he was saying, what he was doing. All he knew was that he was doing something worthwhile, and he was doing it for the woman he loved. He bent his head to kiss her, for the first time. He knew it would also be the last. Her lips were so sweet, kissing him back with just the slightest hint of pressure. She was so wonderful, this woman he loved. Independent. She didn't usually need men to make her way in the world…but this time she had needed him. And the joy he felt because of that was incredible. He wanted more of her. He still wanted to marry her, make love to her, live his life with her. But there was no time. This was the end, and he knew it, and she knew it. So all he could do was enjoy this kiss, then watch her go, hearing his fate coming towards him, and think to himself that his life had been worth all the misery for that one kiss.


End file.
